Finding Success

crm-successI have recently had a major life change: I went back to work.  For the past few years I have been home with my kids and I’m so glad I was.  But an opportunity came up that was too good to pass up.  And I jumped on it.

Not without reservations, of course.  I worried: Will anyone take care of my kids the way I can?  Will Marco still feel loved?  Will his babysitter “get” him?  Advocate for him? Push him and nurture him? If I am not present constantly with his teachers, will he fall through the cracks? Worry, worry, worry.

I’ve only been back at work for a few months but I am happy to say that so far so good.  And here is the thing I didn’t realize until I started working again: my self-esteem had taken a horrible beating from being home full time with my son and all of his needs.  I put all of my eggs into the mommy basket and, then, when my son struggles the way that he does, I feel like a failure.

Now that I’m working again, I have one place where I can feel successful.

I realize that I am very lucky to have had the choice to work or stay home.  Many people do not have this option.  Perhaps you have to work because financially you cannot make ends meet if you don’t.  Perhaps you can’t work because your child’s special needs are so great that it doesn’t allow you to work outside of the home.  But I challenge you to do this:  Find something- ANYTHING-that makes you feel successful.  My job now does this for me.  But when I think back to the past year I also notice one other success story.  I also have to say that YOU all have done that for me too.

I want you all to know that, even though we have never met, you are an invaluable support system for me.  I cannot tell you how much it has meant to me to read your comments after I’ve posted something and feel that we’re on the same page.  Raising our children is a wonderful adventure but a challenging one.  To feel that we’re in this together (even if just through a website) is a blessing.  I am amazed by your dedication to your children and your strength and perseverance, for waking up every morning to climb Mt. Everest again and again.  Every day.  Our kids are lucky to have us.  Let’s not forget that!  Let’s celebrate our successes with one another.  We deserve it!

So, job or no job.  Hobby or no hobby.  Outlet or not outlet.  Thank you, out there, for making me feel successful again.  Thank you for giving me perspective and for reminding me that I’m never (ever!) in this alone.  Do you have something or someone that does that for you?

Kim Clary Cafiero

Kim is a stay at home mom to two boys. She came to parenthood through adoption and was a teacher and school administrator before taking the plunge to stay home full time. She lives in New Jersey.

Related posts:

Kim Clary Cafiero, parenting ADHD, Take Care of You, taking care of you ·

About the author

Kim is a stay at home mom to two boys. She came to parenthood through adoption and was a teacher and school administrator before taking the plunge to stay home full time. She lives in New Jersey.


  1. Betsy Mortinsen says:

    This website has been a Godsend for me, the instant connection with so many others across the world who can understand what my family encounters on a regular basis has been a blessing. I too have been a SAHM for 13 years before going to grad school this spring, and you are completely right about losing yourself in your child’s successes and failures and the need to succeed at something completely unrelated. Excellent post.

  2. Richard J D'Souza says:

    It’s too esy to be torn between guilt and a selfishness. I think that having a balance in your life helps to make you a better parent.

  3. Happy says:

    I am a SAHM to a recently diagnosed with ADHD daughter. Also a mother through adoption. I have been mulling over going back to work because staying home with my daughter leaves me feeling like I have not been successful in the world of parenthood. Nice reading our post.

  4. Momof4 says:

    I really like the encouragement and honesty on this site. I have been a sahm for 10 yrs. I’m in school and its already hard to leave them and find time to study….makes me worry about more time away from them when im working. Still, I know this is the right path. Its nice to have something else that requires my attention and its wonderful to use my brain in a different way. I see that I have been focusing too much (maybe dwelling is a better word)on my childrens success and things could be worse for sure but adhd is hard. There. I said it. I really like the quote “putting all my eggs. in my mommy basket”. I get that now. Thanks!


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The "ADHD Mommas" are not medical or mental health professionals, nor an ADHD coach. Any opinions shared here are just that, opinions. I, and the other "ADHD Mommas," are sharing our experiences with our own ADHD children. Please do not re-post or publish any content or photos without a link back to {a mom's view of ADHD}. Have the courtesy to give credit where credit is due. Copyright protected. All rights reserved.

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