Too Many Cooks in the Kitchen?

toomanycooks-150x150The speech/language therapist says he just needs intensive language therapy to help him process the world around him.

The neurologist says we just need to find the right medication for the ADHD and he’ll be fine.

The Occupational Therapist says its sensory and he needs a better sensory diet to help him feel calmer.  It is not ADHD, its sensory.

The optometrist says he needs vision therapy to help with visual tracking.  This doctor says that signs of visual tracking weakness are often misdiagnosed as ADHD.  It’s not ADHD, its vision.

The pediatrician says he’s perfectly healthy, if not a slight bit underweight.

The international adoption pediatrician says he has encephalopathy.

One family member says that he is autistic.

Another says he is just being a boy.

And another says he’ll grow out of it.

The stranger at the supermarket says he probably has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome.

The neighbor says I’m the one who is being dramatic.

The school says nothing.


Feeling overwhelmed.  How does a mom know what to do?

Kim Clary Cafiero

Kim is a stay at home mom to two boys. She came to parenthood through adoption and was a teacher and school administrator before taking the plunge to stay home full time. She lives in New Jersey.

Related posts:

adhd and school, ADHD stress, adhd symptoms, adoption, Kim Clary Cafiero ·

About the author

Kim is a stay at home mom to two boys. She came to parenthood through adoption and was a teacher and school administrator before taking the plunge to stay home full time. She lives in New Jersey.


  1. Full Spectrum Mama says:

    Your predicament is so profoundly familiar.
    As the parent of one biological child with autism and one who was adopted and has an attachment disorder, you may imagine…
    I have two suggestions:
    1. Find strength in community. You are NOT alone.
    2. Take the time to trust what YOU think. You probably can’t tell right now, but as you research, listen, observe, you will find that YOU are the one who knows your child best.
    Good luck!
    Your caring and questing is one thing you are doing SO right!!!

  2. Tsukismom says:

    You are describing my son! I know your struggle. My Ben is 9 now, and I have come to believe what the psychologist said after his first full neuropsych last year: it’s complicated. Brains are very complex, and pinning things down with one label, in Ben’s case, is impossible. We have had IEPs since pre-school. In the end, i chose medication, OT, tutoring and lots of excercize. Reading ‘Far From the Tree’ has helped. I have grieved my son’s differences, felt inadequate as a parent, struggled with really difficult choices and finally just love him, love him , love him. Except at homework time, lol. Take heart, it is a process, know other moms support you and have been there. You will find the right recipe. Peace.

  3. Heidi Cruz says:

    This is exactly the way I feel something!

  4. Michael G. Gingerich says:

    Your description is so familiar. I’m a retired mental health professional with 41 years experience, 20 specializing in ADHD; also an ADHD adult. I’ve had so many parents relay this same story I stopped counting! I’ve found, though, that many parents had done some research before coming to me and had a fairly good idea as to what their child’s problem was. A large percentage of the time they were right! It’s rather unfortunate that many healthcare clinicians are lousy listeners. They’re too quick to give advice and don’t listen or ask enough questions. It’s also rather unfortunate that many of the foremost ADHD websites advise parents to start by going to their family doctor, to a neurologist or to a psychiatrist. Problem is the vast majority of those groups know next to nothing about ADHD, autism, SPD or language disorders.

    I like your site!

    Take a look at my blog –

    Mike G.

  5. Moon says:

    Hi Kim,
    Reading your post reminds me of book I just finished
    reading. “Reading Writing and Rage” by Dorothy Ungerleider based on a child,
    whose mother has taken him to various specialist for many years; starting in
    Kindergarten. She is frustrated with the many diagnosis and her son is still
    experiencing school failure (specifically in reading, which impacts all other
    areas). Finally when he is 15, an educational therapist becomes involved. She
    is the one that interviews the MANY experts (teachers, pediatricians,
    optometrist, psychologist, tutors….) She collects all the data and is able to
    make some progress by helping the student and others around understand the
    situation. She makes the connections and creates some order to the chaotic
    years of searching. Also takes the pressure off the parents. I guess you would
    say she is his personal education concierge.

    I am the mother of a 15-year-old ADHD child, and a special
    education teacher. I always thought that I could help my child, and navigate
    through the many experts; however, I feel that s is time to seek help. Somebody
    that can connect the dots be a spokesperson, not emotionally involved as I am,
    and be a champion for my child.

    I hope you find your answer.

    Good luck!

  6. JMWCanada says:

    I received a similar list of conflicting opinions. We have settled on ADHD and anxiety because that combination seems to make an “umbrella” over all my boy’s challenges. I’m still processing some anger over those consultants / “experts” who decided what THEY thought was going on, then stopped listening to anything that didn’t support their views.
    But, yeah – it’s complicated. I used to like that complexity but now it is kinda discouraging.


Leave a Comment

The "ADHD Mommas" are not medical or mental health professionals, nor an ADHD coach. Any opinions shared here are just that, opinions. I, and the other "ADHD Mommas," are sharing our experiences with our own ADHD children. Please do not re-post or publish any content or photos without a link back to {a mom's view of ADHD}. Have the courtesy to give credit where credit is due. Copyright protected. All rights reserved.

Powered by WordPress | Customized by KW Design