Let me preface this by saying that my husband is a wonderful man and an excellent father. He is kind and patient and spends every moment he can with us as a family.
But my husband is only human. He is allowed to get frustrated – as I do. And there are many moments that managing my son’s behavior can be difficult. And so I’m sure, if he ever reads this, I will be in trouble for saying the things I am going to say. But I need to say it anyway.
My husband works all day and comes usually just in time to put our older boy to bed which means he sees him very little during the week. Occasionally in that time when he is putting our son to bed my husband will lose his temper. Usually my son (who by that time is no longer medicated) is having a difficult time calming down for the night, or gets distracted 400 times on his way up the stairs to brush his teeth and my husband – who has also had a long day and is tired and hungry – gets frustrated. I do it more than I care to admit too. But I’m the one who is with him all the time. I’m the one who gets him off to school in the morning, gets him to his various therapy appointments, who feeds him dinner, helps him with homework (which is no small accomplishment) and gets him bathed and ready for bed- all while also chasing the two year old!
He always defers to me on every decision about our son’s treatment too. He says that since I used to be a teacher I know more so I know what is best to do. But it is different when it is your own child and I don’t like feeling the burden of these decisions on my own. I appreciate the vote of confidence but we’re supposed to be in this together. He has never been to an IEP meeting. Or even a conference with a teacher. Or read a book about ADHD.
And so sometimes I feel that I have to be the mommy to 3 boys: my wonderful ADHD boy, my 2 year old and my husband. It can make me feel very alone.
Just needed to let it out. Thanks for listening.