What’s going on with me? I’ve been pulled over twice in the last 48 hours. I ended up in screaming matches with my son the past two mornings. I started weeping in the middle of a medical test yesterday for no apparent reason.
Clearly the flashing lights in the rear-view this morning were Someone’s second attempt at getting my attention. After the sad, embarrassing even, exchange I had with my son before the sun was up this morning, Someone felt it necessary to drop the hammer on me again.
I get it. I’m listening. I’ll sit here patiently and wait.
But you know as well as I that Someone isn’t going to deliver me a helpful lecture filled with insights and suggestions about how I should go about getting a grip and doing better. She just doesn’t work that way.
She’s going to let me sit here and ponder. I’ll reflect, and along the way, like my son is so good at doing, I’ll find lots of reasons why I can’t be at fault.
Joe provoked me by not listening when I asked him to get dressed. He lied to me when he said he was almost ready when in fact he had crawled back in bed after his shower. I had no choice but to grab his arm in anger and try to pull him up when he wouldn’t sit up on his own. Then his loud crying and whining that I had hurt his arm really made me mad. An 11-year-old shouldn’t behave that way, even if he does have ADHD. He has to be respectful that others are still sleeping.
The state of Georgia is stupid. How can you have a 25 mph school zone on a six-lane roadway, practically a highway? I was going 42 in a 45 mph zone; it’s not like I was speeding. I didn’t notice the flashing lights indicating a school zone was in effect. Besides, I think you should have to post the actual times the zone is in effect, too. School had dismissed 25 minutes earlier. There was no school activity taking place when I drove past.
Then after I’ve processed things for a while, I’ll realize what Someone wanted me to see.
I behaved poorly with Joe. I caved to frustration and became one of the many people in his life who loses patience with him. I need him to feel secure in knowing that I am a safe place. Sure I can have expectations and standards, but I can’t resort to a temper tantrum or out-of-control behavior when he misses the mark. Yes, I’m only human and I’ll make mistakes, but particularly where he’s concerned I have to do better. I’m going to feel rotten for a while.
As for getting pulled over—twice? There really is no defense. My bad both times. There’s nothing more to say.
And then there’s the crying at the doctor’s office. What’s up with that?
For now, Someone is going to have to be happy that I came to the realizations I think she wanted on the first two points—including that I need to find a way to let go of some stress so that I’m working with bigger margins, especially first thing in the morning.
Decoding the weepies might take me a little longer. Maybe I’ll pull up The Weepies on a playlist and destress a little while I work on it.
The world does spin madly on. Always.
Related posts: adhd and stress, parenting/FAMILY, Take Care of You, Tammy Murphy, Tammy Time